Police Drone Disguised as Eagle Intercepts Government Drones Disguised as Crows in Mid-Air Adderall Sting
NEW YORK (AP) —
In a stunning display of mid-air surveillance and inter-agency confusion, a police drone disguised as a bald eagle intercepted three government-operated drones disguised as common crows in what officials are calling an "ongoing investigation into the illicit aerial trafficking of Schedule II stimulants."
The sting unfolded over Manhattan's East Village early Sunday morning when a suspicious avian formation was detected by NYPD's Aerial Narcotics Surveillance Team (ANST), a division recently launched under the city's controversial "War on Wings" initiative.
According to initial reports, the eagle drone — designated "SkyJustice-07" — engaged the crow drones near Tompkins Square Park after detecting "a suspiciously linear flight pattern and erratic chirping consistent with synthetic amphetamine programming." Upon interception, one of the crow drones ejected a small payload containing what field agents identified as 200mg of pharmaceutical-grade Adderall XR.
"While no arrests have been made, we have recovered enough evidence to confirm these were not your average government crows," said NYPD DroneOps Commander and acting Chief of Surveillance Fausto "Buzz" Carlin in a press conference conducted from the roof of a city hall annex. "These birds were juiced. Their beaks were wired for smuggling, their eyes were 1080p optical surveillance units, and their wing joints had the telltale stutter of federally-sanctioned rotors."
Despite the high-tech operation, Chief Carlin confirmed that all three crow drones self-destructed mid-air via what he called "thermal fail-safe measures" before ground teams could perform diagnostics.
A Sky Full of Questions
The incident raises fresh concerns over increasing overlap between municipal, state, and federal drone operations — particularly when those drones are dressed as birds and moving controlled substances across borough lines.
"When our eagle took them down, we assumed cartel drones," said Carlin. "Turns out, they were flying under a Department of Agriculture transponder. So now we're in a bit of a jurisdictional... flap."
Federal agencies have declined to provide a formal statement, but several off-the-record sources confirmed that the intercepted drones were part of a joint USDA-FCC experimental program titled "FeatherNet," ostensibly focused on rural broadband delivery via avian-shaped quadcopters. Why they were carrying stimulants across urban airspace is "still unclear."
EXPERT ANALYSIS
Dr. Mira Shorestein, director of the Center for Avian Surveillance Ethics at Columbia University, notes this incident represents an alarming trend in biomimetic technology deployment.
"We're seeing a troubling convergence of surveillance technologies that not only mimic wildlife but potentially exploit protected species designations to operate in legal gray areas," said Dr. Shorestein. "The bald eagle drone technically falls under both FAA drone regulations and protected species legislation, creating jurisdictional confusion that agencies are exploiting."
Small Startup, Big Wingspan
Digging deeper, The Associated Press has uncovered a curious link between the intercepted drones and a Brooklyn-based startup known as NeuroNest — a self-described "bio-synthetic energy incubator" funded in part by DARPA, the NY Green Futures Initiative, and a surprising number of venture capitalists with ties to MIT's rogue biotech wing.
NeuroNest's pitch deck, which was briefly public before being pulled offline, proposed "investigating neuro-stimulants like Adderall as alternative bioenergy sources for microdrones operating under severe latency constraints." One slide featured a cartoon crow lifting a Raspberry Pi into the air, with the tagline: "Think Fast. Fly Faster."
DOCUMENT EXCERPT
From NeuroNest internal memo dated June 12, 2025: "Tests confirm that amphetamine-derived compounds, when aerosolized and circulated through our proprietary microcircuitry, extend flight duration by 327% while increasing object recognition and navigation accuracy by 218%. Side effects include erratic flight patterns, excessive chirping, and reluctance to land."
In a boilerplate statement, NeuroNest denied any involvement in illicit activities, insisting their work remains "strictly in the realm of legal pharmacological simulation and sustainable aerial autonomy."
Yet multiple whistleblowers have come forward claiming that the company's labs, located beneath a vegan kombucha brewery in Bushwick, have been running small-scale tests using real stimulants to prolong drone flight time. "They figured out that a drone running on Adderall micro-laced circuits could triple its battery efficiency," said one anonymous source. "The downside is... well, let's just say they don't land until they've finished rewriting the software architecture."
Federal Shrug and Presidential Diversion
When contacted for clarification, a Department of Energy spokesperson said they had "no formal comment" but noted that "additive cognitive compounds as energy sources" remain an active area of research under the Accelerated Alternatives Act (AAA).
Meanwhile, attempts to reach higher authorities produced stranger results.
In a brief phone statement to the Associated Press, President Donald J. Trump, once again elected under the "Return to Sanity" campaign of 2024, deflected the story entirely.
"Why are we still talking about birds?" the President said. "This is a boring story, very boring. Let's talk about my health. My doctors say I'm in unbelievable shape. Perfect shape. Some say the best shape of anyone who's ever lived. Heart of a 35-year-old racehorse. That's the real story. You want a headline? 'Trump Health Breaks Medical Science.' Boom. You're welcome."
When asked again about the drone incident, the line went silent before being replaced with a pre-recorded loop of Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA."
TIMELINE: THE AVIAN SURVEILLANCE ESCALATION
- 2022First documented deployment of pigeon-mimicking surveillance drones in urban environments
- 2023FAA creates classified exemption category for "biomimetic aerial surveillance tools"
- 2024NYPD forms dedicated Aerial Narcotics Surveillance Team (ANST)
- Early 2025NeuroNest receives $42M in venture funding for "alternative energy solutions for autonomous flight"
- July 2025First documented bird-vs-bird drone interception over Manhattan
A Conveniently Scrambled Sky
To date, no government official has claimed responsibility for the crows, and local NYPD efforts to track drone serial numbers have been "frustrated by firmware that appears to reset its own MAC address every 42 seconds."
The FAA, Homeland Security, and the Postal Drone Division all claim no knowledge of any sanctioned stimulant-aerial routes. Yet insiders hint that the skyways above New York may be host to a much broader shadow network — one where synthetic birds, experimental tech, and smart drugs converge.
"We believe this is the tip of the beak," said Chief Carlin. "We're not just talking rogue pigeons delivering aspirin anymore. This is something bigger. Something wired. And probably backed by someone with a .gov email."
FOLLOW THE MONEY
Financial records obtained by the Associated Press show unusual patterns in federal procurement that may relate to avian drone development:
- $17.3M allocation to the Department of Agriculture for "migratory species communication network research"
- $8.9M to an undisclosed contractor for "pharmacological propulsion alternatives"
- $42.5M classified expenditure coded as "Project Feathered Serpent"
When questioned about these allocations, Treasury Department officials declined to comment, citing national security protocols.
Public Response and Ongoing Probe
Local reaction has been mixed. Some residents remain skeptical. "This sounds like one of those online hoaxes," said East Village resident Molly Janson. "I mean, really? Adderall birds? Isn't that just Twitter?"
Others are less dismissive. "First they said birds aren't real," said community drone hobbyist Gary Fung. "Then they said the government made them. Now the police are pretending to be eagles? I don't know what's more shocking — the surveillance state or the fact that they're all using ADHD meds as jet fuel."
The NYPD has promised further updates pending coordination with "several alphabet agencies," though no press conference has been scheduled at this time.
As for NeuroNest, its website remains offline, and its office windows have been papered over with motivational quotes about "Flight, Focus, and Freedom."
Meanwhile, eagle drone SkyJustice-07 has been placed on administrative leave pending psychological recalibration, after reportedly refusing to land and circling NYPD headquarters for 11 consecutive hours.
EDITOR'S NOTE: If you or someone you know has been approached by a suspiciously robotic bird, or offered unsolicited medication from above, please contact our tip line at (555) 000-WING.
Associated Press writers Samantha Wingfield in Washington and David Crowley in Boston contributed to this report.